someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
