It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
