the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
