My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
