he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
