he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
