its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
