so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
