so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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