Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
