So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
that is very illegal...i love you.
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