My nipple is on Facebook.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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