he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
