I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
