I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
