We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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