I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
