you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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