When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
