From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
