Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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