The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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