God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
