I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
