hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
