K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
