Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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