For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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