She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
