did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
