their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
