I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
