Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
