Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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