She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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