she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
