Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
