Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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