a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
