Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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