If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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