do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
