so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
