Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
