she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
