Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
