Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
