I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
