Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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