I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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