He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
