Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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