You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
