...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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